The Future

I feel so awful after I took a nap. Something is wrong. I feel so bad and emotional.

Early morning, sister called me. They went to penang since mum needs to do medical check up. Sister asked how much I can sponsor for the treatment. Last week ago, I called her and I decided to donate one of my kidney if I pass the test. She rejected with her good reason. I was sobbing on phone. It was hard for me.

I think about what he said to me yesterday night :- You're too free, you should find something to do.
No, I am not free yet I'm still surviving with everything now. I love my job. For someone who did not graduate officially, I'm doing really good. Other colleague from another department was envy me. First job with no experience can get the job so easy. 2  interview session in one day, got the call from HR within 2 days and got the letter within 4 days. It took me a week to get this job. I learn lots of stuffs everyday. I got my own discussion with different HOD and awesome project. I'm always find my time for you no matter how busy I am because you are special to me.

So many things to do yet little time. So much pressure more than I can handle it. No, he never know what's on my mind because I am scared it is too much information for him where we just started to be official . The plan, with little time for me to achieve. Please give me strength before I fall apart !

Hey Gor,
tell me what can I do? If you were here, what will you do?

Hey Mum,
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? I am not ready no matter how hard am trying. It is too much for me to handle. I know you want the best for us. But it still...

Hey dear,
I am sorry for not greet your mum and not tell you about kent who is my superior and gay. I still can't get used with your schedule because I think is ridiculous. One year with that kind of schedule. Sigh~


When everything becomes to much, you'll either explode with anger or start crying because you have finally decided that its all too true.


-Khai